I wandered lonely in a cloud ...
Make no mistake, I do like clouds. Computing clouds, that is.
I mean, that instead of a data centre full of whirring things and flashing things, making lots of noise and heat and taking up expensive floor space and requiring hoards of blue-jeaned geeks muttering their incomprehensible mutters such as “cache, lun, ipv6”, I now had two boxes called routers, each with a few flashing lights and a fibre cable connected to different exchanges via different sides of the building, plus a UPS or two.
You see I had done MY homework, I wasn't going to accused of corporate recklessness; my solution was redundant.
Wow it’s cold in here.
Then this man in a suite, wearing a funny wig was again asking “Where was your data centre located?” I knew the answer to that one too!
Jacques had knowingly told me the answer, with a smile, at that cloud computing seminar I’d attended, in what seems an eternity ago now.
“Not here” I answered emphatically, a suggestion of a smile on my lips as I assumed a confident pose. “Not here” I repeated.
“If ‘Not here’, then where” persisted the wigged one.
Jacques, the cloud guru, had given me the answer to this one too: “Not here” I repeated confidently.
The wigged one looked a little puzzled, made a note on his yellow pad and looked at me over the top of the pince-nez precariously clinging to his nasal bridge.
“You do have data centres, don’t you?” he asked.
“Of course” I replied, “all multi-trillion corporations have data centres” I added.
“I see” he said knowingly, “It’s just that you have mislaid yours?” a raised eyebrow enquired.
He was trying to trap me, but I knew this answer too. “Oh no, I know exactly where they are; they’re in the cloud!”.
“Cumulo nimbus or cirro stratus?” asked the brow.
I had no idea of what he was talking about, so I remained silent.
“Of course” I replied, “all multi-trillion corporations have data centres” I added.
“I see” he said knowingly, “It’s just that you have mislaid yours?” a raised eyebrow enquired.
He was trying to trap me, but I knew this answer too. “Oh no, I know exactly where they are; they’re in the cloud!”.
“Cumulo nimbus or cirro stratus?” asked the brow.
I had no idea of what he was talking about, so I remained silent.
“But your data centres did go floating away, all on their own, to never never land, somewhere in the cloud, for a period of three weeks, did they not?” he asked without eyebrows or smiles, but just a steely glint.
“Well, no, uhm, not floating, uhm, they just weren’t there” I muttered, not really liking where all this was going.
“But your business ceased to operate for three weeks and this inoperability cost your clients all of their money?” persisted the glint.
No reply. It was beginning to get a little hot in here and my collar had inexplicably shrunk by two sizes.
The wig ambled over to his desk, rummaged in the untidy pile of dusty looking books and emerged triumphantly, a large red tomb clutched in his right fist.
He flipped through the book marks, found one that seemed to satisfy, adjusted the precarious lenses. “You have met Judge King?” he stated. “If not in person, then his report into corporate governance” he clarified.
“Let me assist you memory” he said without waiting for my answer and began to quote from said book, the words fading in and out of the annoying buzzing noise which attempted to drown them out. He went on and on.
Suddenly the buzzing stopped replaced by a cold sweat started as I recognised:
‘3.2.6. The board should disclose:
That it is responsible for internal control systems and risk management, which are regularly reviewed;
That an ongoing process for identifying, evaluating and managing significant risks is and has been in place.
An adequate system of internal control provides reasonable, but not absolute, assurance exists to manage risk and to achieve business objectives;
That an ongoing process for identifying, evaluating and managing significant risks is and has been in place.
An adequate system of internal control provides reasonable, but not absolute, assurance exists to manage risk and to achieve business objectives;
A documented and tested disaster recovery plan exists;
Material joint ventures have been:
· dealt with as part of the group risk management; or
· by other means: details of which should be provided.
Any additional appropriate information on the risk management process should be provided.’
“But that was no longer our responsibility, we were in the cloud!!” I shouted in desperation.
I can’t bring myself to describe the board’s crying children, nor how some members, less strong than others, succumbed to the temptation of own hand.
I conclude by reminding you, that, as was stated by a wise United States president, ‘the buck stops here’.
The cloud takes no responsibility, how could it? After all, it is only vapour.
